Retrospect

"Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards." -Soren Kierkegaard

I first heard that quote when I was ten years old, but it's stuck with me all these years. When I think back to where I was one year ago today, five years ago today, ten years ago today, it's hard to believe I am where I am. However, it also makes a lot of sense. I can't decide whether it's easier for me to count the ways I've changed over the past year or to count the ways I've stayed the same. I have done a lot of both. All I know is that it will be even easier to look back once another year has gone. At this point, I'm still unable to process these past few months

But for the sake of my dear readers, I'll give it a shot!

The most obvious thing I think I've gained this year, other than PERSPECTIVE! and CHINESE LANGUAGE SKILLS! and WORLDLINESS! is patience. Patience is a virtue with which I've never particularly struggled, but I didn't realize how impatient I was until I got to China. The reason I never perceived impatience as one of my (many) personality quirks is because I'm not impatient about when a movie will come out or when the cake will be done baking or when the iPhone 12 comes out. I'm impatient about my future. I'm always fussing about what I'll be doing next, making to-do lists in my head, worrying about this summer, next year, five years from now, ten years from now. I'm always worrying about being on time, so I get impatient and I leave my house way earlier than necessary. I'm terrible about stopping, and don't even get me started on smelling the roses. China has made me more patient because things aren't as planned out as I want them to be. I have to wait to find out when my vacations day are, what classes I'm teaching next year, and where I will be living. It requires a certain element of flying by the seat of my pants that I did not possess upon arrival. China has made me an incredibly patient person.

Patience also comes from being a teacher. Teaching the same lessons over and over again requires patience. Students who are struggling require patience. Students who send you 3-4 emails a day with questions require patience. Patience is a teacher's best and most-utilized tool.

And of course, language barriers always require patience, as does living in an environment in which the people have vastly different beliefs on matters I consider to be incredibly important, like gender, freedom, and race. China requires patience in all kinds of situations, which is something I expected, but could never really comprehended until I was actually here.

In retrospect, I'm happy with my time here and I'm really excited to come back to China for another year. However, I am also thrilled that I'll be home in the US so soon! China Doll lands at LGA this Saturday night. At that point, this blog will (understandably) go on hiatus, until I can start blogging about my return. So don't forget about me, dear readers! China Doll'll be back real soon!!!!!